| (no subject) |
[Apr. 11th, 2007|11:36 pm] |
| [ | what i dig |
| | du wop - lauryn hill | ] |
remember when everyone used to post on livejournal?
on a less nostalgic note, i feel like i have tonsilitis. and i started reading the fountainhead (ayn rand) today. any thoughts? |
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| work in progress |
[Mar. 31st, 2007|12:51 pm] |
alot of smiles with no words
no time - you're mine.
pillows and sheets
we sleep like lovers do
world forgotten
a world created
but please, pretty please
don't be mistaken -
i will never love you
holding hands
making plans and promises
that get broken.
one sided apologies
-not sorry.
cold, blank stares
becomes distant "hey"s
becomes distance
becomes bitterness.
strangers in the same room
and i will never love you.
you say it's in my eyes
and the disguise you wear
almost had me fooled,
but i see you.
i was no damsel in distress
dressed in ignorance.
you didn't reserve me-
or deserve me.
i didn't let you in.
out of sight, out of mind
remains tried and true
because i will never love you.
(not quite done yet.thishasbeenonmymindinagoodway,ithink) |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 26th, 2007|10:44 pm] |
| [ | im feelin' |
| |  exhausted | ] |
| [ | what i dig |
| | benediction - jimmy needham | ] |
"this poor unfortunate soul filling a single void
with toy after toy, girl after boy
how boring. this wasn't meant to be humanity's life story
warring with God saying
"what have You done for me?"
i feel like jimmy needham really dug into me on that one. i don't even recognize myself right now. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 6th, 2007|01:51 am] |
unconditional love is something that i used to think was easy to define and conceptualize. i am increasingly becoming aware of the all encompassing largeness that is part of the package of true, pure, unconditional love. it's not something that can be understood by anyone of mortality....i think in the same way that time can't be understood (though time is much easier to measure)....more something we like to speculate. i think it's fascinating that with the more i learn about love, and more specifically the unconditional love that i'm given every day, i find more questions [of substance] to ask and actively seek answers to.
...i think actively seeking the answer is giving me the accomplished feeling that i have which now motivates/provokes me to share this little revelation that i've had with the cyber world.
fin. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 8th, 2007|01:38 am] |
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it sucks to see the person you want to spend all of your time with with a huge hickey on their neck. |
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| myths wrongly interpreted |
[Jan. 2nd, 2007|02:08 am] |
| [ | im feelin' |
| |  blank | ] |
| [ | what i dig |
| | Without Mythologies - The Weakerthans | ] |
something very strange is going on. i can feel it.
i think i need counseling.
family
friends
hilary
uncle
6
15 years
old acquantinces being forgotten
new people
erin
school
class
studio
matt dilallo
weight
jeremy
broken families
faith
carrie
zen
deland
alone
zach
smile
beach
love
sun
church
relationships
forgiveness
new slate
just some stuff. sorry for taking up space on your friend's page.
fin. |
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| this makes me sad |
[Dec. 31st, 2006|01:32 am] |
| [ | im feelin' |
| |  lonely | ] |
| [ | what i dig |
| | The Party's Crashing Us - Of Montreal | ] |
maybe i read people wrong, but i've been doing alot of thinking about other people. not how they affect my life or anything; but i guess just a general analysis of the people who come to me and say they aren't satisfied.
the thing is that more and more i talk to people who aren't happy are at school. i personally don't believe that there is anything lacking at stetson that could be provided elsewhere, but all the same i constantly hear "i wish i were on tour," "i wish i were at home," "i wish i were back in high school but had the freedom i have now." this has all become increasingly frustrating for me to listen to for many reasons.
i suppose that foremost it is the fact that i am self-centered and think that since i was so miserable last year and overcame it that anyone should be able to successfully do the same. i don't really know if that is my strongest argument, but there it is. proceding that i would just say (and this is where my point actually lies) that these people who are so unhappy are just terrified - and not all of these people are first year college students. they don't want to give their present situation even the slightest chance because they have no need or motivation to do so. i was the same with philmont and, to an extent, still am. the worst part about this second revelation is that i can feel it being the driving stake that is dividing my friendships with these people. i feel completely detatched because they so desperately want to be elsewhere. i can feel myself thinking "what's the point" while i am even sitting with them.
is that wrong? i think possibly. yes.
i just invest everything that i have and am into my friendships...hense the length that most of them have lasted pre-college or otherwise. i can't see myself letting someone in who won't even give stetson (students and Deland) a fighting chance. there is so much to offer here. i take it personally when i hear that someone is unhappy with my home.
this is not my finest entry, but hopefully it can at least be a step to recording my life again. i stopped writing altogether a few years ago and i really miss it. i think this can be helpful.
fin. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 30th, 2005|12:57 am] |
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i dont belong here. i can feel it in the way everyone looks at me. the condescending glances i get when i say that i am a virgin/dont drink/dont smoke/read the bible. definitely dont know what i had until it was replaced with unfamiliarity. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 11th, 2005|09:56 pm] |
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i am updating from my hot new ibook |
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| my fall schedule sucks |
[Jul. 31st, 2005|01:11 pm] |
Monday
theory 8 - 8 50
special topics in business 11 - 11 50
aural training 1 30 - 2 20
university symphonic band 6 - 6 55
Tuesday
principles/methods for diverse learners 8 30 - 9 45
music analysis 10 - 11 15
keyboard 1 - 1 50
music for majors - oboe 2 30 - 3 25
university symphonic band 4 - 5 55
Wednesday
theory 8 - 8 50
special topics in business 11 - 11 50
aural training 1 30 - 2 20
Thursday
principles/methods for diverse learners 8 30 - 9 45
music analysis 10 - 11 15
keyboard 1 - 1 50
university symphonic band 4 - 5 55
Friday
theory 8 - 8 50
special topics in business 11 - 11 50
chamber music 1 30 - 2 25 |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 29th, 2005|10:17 pm] |
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i am home from tennessee. like anyone even knew i was gone. |
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| so today... |
[May. 25th, 2005|08:19 pm] |
i graduated and got a little over $2,000.
flippin sweet.
i was SUPPOSED to go to the crazy buffet for my graduation dinner, but it was closed and that made me want to cry. so instead i went to p.j. changs with my family.
i dont really feel any different, but i know things will never be the same after today.
i cant wait for project graduation tonight. i really want that free t-shirt and im sure there will be alot of food.
band banquet was also pretty recent. i got most improved senior amongst several awards. i deserve it i guess? mrs. oser kept making a really big deal over my scholarship. i doubt anyone from whs ever got that much money from one scholarship, but then again, im sure not that many students got to private colleges.
i dont really know whats going on with my life, but i work like 11 hours a day now. its insane. will someone please save me? |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 18th, 2005|03:43 pm] |
every thing is fine.
(im about to curse)
fuck this shit. im leaving. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 7th, 2005|06:54 pm] |
| [ | im feelin' |
| | depressed | ] |
time to be a typical, melodramatic teenager.
i hate my life.
i hate my job.
i hate my lack of real friends.
i hate the fact that i am literally 2 grand in debt.
i hate the fact that my grades suck.
i hate the fact that i dont care that my grades suck.
i hate that i cant deal with stressful situations.
i hate that when all this happened i asked god why he is testing me.
i hate the fact that prom is tonight and i feel like i will be letting angel down by only staying for a little while and not looking all that pretty.
i hate the fact that i ruined my car.
i hate that i am drowning.
i hate the fact that im still a really insecure girl.
i hate that i HAVE to work 2 jobs.
with all that said. i love my cousins so much. they remind me that i want to have a really big family one day.
i need to go to back to philmont where i am free. next summer. |
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| graduation |
[May. 6th, 2005|11:25 am] |
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should i have a grad party or should i just go to everyone elses? |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 26th, 2005|10:51 pm] |
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i am a liscenced driver |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 24th, 2005|10:56 pm] |
| [ | im feelin' |
| | exhausted | ] |
| [ | what i dig |
| | 10th avenue north | ] |
lets pretend that i wrote a really long entry.
that i said something melancholy and came to a really profoud epiphany of some fashion.
i learned alot of things this weekend.
none of them will help me in school but i feel very enlightened.
end. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 12th, 2005|06:03 pm] |
so i did audition for all district and i got 3rd chair. what a coincidence, wayne miller was my judge and the 2 girls who beat me out are his students. band is so political its disgusting. but honestly, if i could care any less i would be suprised. i really just didnt feel like going to ap bio on friday and i cant be technically absent only one more time.
DAN TAYLOR (or anyone else willing to help)! (yes, another post directed towards you becuase i love you dearly)
we need to find a good arrangement of dvoraks 8th symphony and burn it onto a cd so i can bring my boombox to all district.
prom this weekend. will it be fun? im still not very sure. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 10th, 2005|11:49 pm] |
| [ | im feelin' |
| | tired | ] |
| [ | what i dig |
| | shaggy - angel | ] |
im not trying out for all district this year. its very bittersweet. i have to work on monday and friday and didnt have a ride to my audition anyway. hmm.
dan taylor, will you punch elliot del borgo in the face for me?? or if you wont will you let me write him a note and then you give it to him saying that he sucks at arranging and that dvorak is rolling over in his grave for that crappy arrangement of the 8th symphony? i will love you for forever and a day.
i bought a prom dress. its not the maroon one ive been obsessing over, but i love it all the same and am still going to look at the maroon one on wednesday.
um life has been awesome and totally sucked at the same time.
sorry i never update anymore.
this entry was a waste of time for me to write/you to read. im also sorry about that.
and im going to the dsoa prom in may so tell me if you are going so i can look for you. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 20th, 2005|10:35 pm] |
| [ | what i dig |
| | mandy moore - candy | ] |
14.82/45.16
thats what my little reciept from work said. those are my hours for today/the week respectively.
I GET OVERTIME! thats cool and really depressing at the same time.
will someone hang out with me mon-thurs? im not working until friday and im afraid that i dont have any friends anymore because they all know not to call me.
someone be my friend! |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 28th, 2005|11:17 pm] |
i totally made the best mix for greenberrys. the selection sampled from
belle and sebastian
dmb
newsboys
ben folds
rem
ben harper
fiona apple
death cab for cutie
third eye blind
smashing pumpkins
simon and garfunkle
colin hay
the beatles
goo goo dolls
jack johnson
and jets to brazil |
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triskidekafobic's journal